Want Your Kids to Grow Up Smart, Happy and Rich? Don't Spank Them!

Research indicates relationships between spanking and many undesirable outcomes, including (but not limited to) reduced cognitive ability; and lower educational, occupational and economic achievement. (Kaufman Kantor & Straus)

Naturally, employers and customers seek those who can problem-solve, learn, reason and negotiate. But children cannot learn while experiencing pain, fear or anger. Research on the effects of stress ((Selye; others) proves that when a person experiences pain, fear or anger, the body automatically responds to the threat with a fight or flight response. This automatic response prepares us well to fight or flee, but it halts learning and problem-solving because blood is rerouted from the learning areas of the brain to the muscles. The cerebral cortex shuts down.

Science continues to affirm the case against spanking:

"Researchers at Columbia University looked at 88 corporal punishment studies and found a definite connection between spanking and 10 negative outcomes, including damaged parent-child relationships, increased potential for aggression, lying, cheating, bullying and depression, as well as a greater chance that the spanked child will physically abuse his or her own children.'

Armin Brott, McClatchy-Tribune News Service

Research has consistently shown that the number one predictor of violent behavior is whether someone comes from a home where violence is practiced, including a home where children are subjected to physical punishment.

Yet the studies and polls (1 2 3) I found indicate that as many as 94 percent of parents smack their kids in an attempt to teach them right from wrong.

As a non-spanked child and a non-spanking parent, I am (proudly) a minority.

If parents understood the risks they expose kids to when they spank, I am hopeful most would stop. A reduction in corporal punishment could have major benefits for children and society:

“A society with little or no hitting of children is likely to result in fewer people who are alienated, depressed, or suicidal, and in fewer violent marriages. The potential benefits for the society as a whole are equally great. These include lower crime rates, especially for violent crimes; increased economic productivity; and less money spent on controlling or treating crime and mental illness... A society that brings up children by caring, humane, and non-violent methods is likely to be less violent, healthier, and wealthier.”

Dr. Straus, founder and co-director of the Family Research Lab at the University of New Hampshire and author of Beating the Devil Out of Them: Corporal Punishment in American Children

As a professional dog trainer and behavior consultant, I learned firsthand that physical punishment is less effective than positive reinforcement and other "hands-off" forms of discipline. Numerous studies with both animals and children back up my personal experiences.

Knowing what not to do is a great first step. If you want to raise a smarter, happier and richer child, check out the following resources to learn effective spanking-free discipline alternatives:

Books: Articles:

Relevant Post on My Site:

Parenting With Purpose: This I Believe...

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Naked Blogging: How Much Is My Blog Earning?

For me, blogging provides a way to practice my writing skills, share an exchange of thoughts and ideas, and promote something near and dear to my heart -- financial literacy. Last September I came up with a brilliant idea - I decided to pledge my blogging profits to Kiva.org as interest-free microloans for small businesses operated by working, impoverished women in developing countries.

Kiva is a non-profit that allows you to lend as little as $25 to a specific low-income entrepreneur in the developing world. You choose who to lend to - whether a baker in Afghanistan, a goat herder in Uganda, a farmer in Peru, or a tailor in Iraq - and as they repay their loan, you get your money back. It’s a powerful and sustainable way to empower someone right now to lift themselves out of poverty. And when your loan is paid back, you can re-loan the same funds over (and over) again.

How has my blogging for Kiva pledge worked out so far?

My Kiva Activity:

Number of interest-free loans made = 12

Number of successful invitations = 2

Number of loans made by my invitees = 3

Number of gift certificates given = 2

All of these loans are being paid back by the recipients according to schedule. No defaults! One woman paid her loan in full, so I "recycled" my loan to someone new.

However, these loans were funded by me personally; not from blog profits. Despite a growing readership, my blogging project is showing a net loss thus far. Why?

Two reasons:

  1. I've been slow to monetize my blog. Being a new blogger, I chose to focus on creating high quality content and growing a readership first.
  2. I spent all of my blogging-related income in NY City when I was invited to appear on the Montel Williams Show. They paid for airfare, ground transportation and one night hotel stay for me and my travel companion, but I paid for my meals and the rest of the weekend. Manhattan is expensive. In the end I think it was worth it anyway, because appearing on their show provided an excellent opportunity for me to promote financial literacy for women.

Here's a full income and expense disclosure (through May 19, 2008):

Blogging-related Income:
$793 BlogHer Ad Network
$192 Amazon Affiliate
$28 Commission Junction
= $1,013 Total Income

Blogging-related Expenses:

$1,090 Travel (Montel Show paid airfare, ground transportation, 1 night hotel; I paid 2 nights, meals, incidentals)
$250 Writing conference, seminars
$98 Subscriptions, books
$6 Business cards
= $1,444 Total Expense

What now?

I've been told that with the amount of traffic my blog receives, it could be earning much more. Yesterday I placed several small banner ads on my web page. Hopefully they will generate some income without being too obnoxious.

How can YOU help me make a difference through Kiva?

  1. Donate using my Paypal account (specify "Kiva" as the purpose).
  2. If you find my blog helpful, useful or entertaining, add my blog to your blogroll or tell your readers and friends about it. This helps because the BlogHer Ad Network pays per 1000 page views.
  3. If you're an Amazon shopper, use my store link to make your purchases and see my favorite books. (It won't cost you a penny extra to enter Amazon through my affiliate link.)
  4. If you have an online store or service you'd like to promote, send me an email to inquire about advertising on my site. (Banner ads and no-follow text links only.)
  5. Take a look at the banner ads displayed on my blog. If you're interested in one of the offerings, check it out. I've hand-select products and services that I personally find interesting. (Note: Due to my lack of firsthand experience with some of them, I don't necessarily endorse all of them. Please evaluate and use your own judgement.)
  6. Register for your own Kiva account and make loans directly.
  7. Share other blog monetization ideas with me (by email or comment).

Thank you!

Read More:

The Powerful (and Addictive) Nature of Giving

Join me in changing the world - one loan at a time.

My Kiva Lender Page

Click here to view some of my favorite books.

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I Am Woman

I was eight years old when my girlfriends and I strutted proudly around our living room singing into our hairbrush faux-microphones:

"Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman"

In 1972, Helen Reddy co-wrote the song I Am Woman, which became a worldwide #1 hit, feminist anthem and cultural icon of the times. Here's a YouTube of the song:

(Note: RSS and email subscribers - you'll need to click to my blog to view it)

OK, I am woman. 35 years later, what does this song mean to me today? What impact has being a woman had on my life? What kind of woman do I strive to be?

"I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore"

When I have something important to say, I don't sit quietly with my hands folded demurely on my lap. I am not afraid to speak out or to advocate for those who can't. Sometimes I spread my message in a big way, like blogging or appearing on national television.

I used to think I had to roar. But do you know what happened? People covered their ears and tuned me out. So I learned to purr instead. Incessant, impossible to ignore purring when necessary - but I've learned to deliver my message in a pleasant way, so that others want to listen.

"And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'Cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again"

I've been sad, squashed and small. I've been a victim and I've hit rock bottom. I grew up in a dysfunctional family, I had an abusive boyfriend, I've been poor and hungry.

As a newlywed, my in-laws chastised me for "wearing the pants" in our new marriage. They said my husband was the star and I should play the supporting role. They bought me a sewing machine, cookbooks and an iron. They tried to put me in my place.

I strive to reflect, learn and grow from each life experience. I keep an open mind. I choose not to stay stuck. I understand that the only person I can change is me.

"Oh yes, I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to
I can do anything"

Because I reflect, learn and grow, I am wiser with each passing moment. I've learned from conflict and difficult experiences. I change what I can and peacefully accept what I cannot.

Because "I can do anything" (and despite the rough start with my chauvinistic in-laws), I've been happily married to the same man, my best friend, for over 21 years. We are not the same; we are equals and we compliment one another's strengths.

Because I've felt loneliness, I cherish my friends.

Because I've been penniless and hungry, I've learned how to make enough money and I savor nourishing food.

Because I missed spending quality time with my workaholic father when I was a child, I chose to be financially free before I became a parent.

Because I am wise and strong and a nurturing woman, I share my life and my unconditional love with our beautiful daughter -- who was abandoned at birth simply because she is a girl.

"I am strong (strong)"

Yes, I am unabashedly strong. And I embrace my feminine qualities: I am soft, gentle, loving, nurturing and beautiful. Strength and femininity are compatible. Strength doesn't need to be heavy-handed; in fact, gentle strength is far more effective. Purr.

"I am invincible (invincible)"

By definition, I refuse to be overcome or subdued. But I'm not Super Woman, either, nor do I strive to be.

Women today are expected to possess super-human powers: Get Jill and Johnny dressed while cooking a hot breakfast between loads of laundry while conducting an important business conference call before heading to the airport for an out-of-state conference. Don't forget to drop the dog off at the groomer's on the way. And wear lingerie under your business suit so you can enjoy sexy intimacy with your husband when you get home tonight - after helping the kids with their homework and putting them to bed, of course. Oops, did you forget to pick up the dog?

I recognize my limits. I can't do everything and I'm not skilled at every task. When I was a teenager, my siblings and I pitched in our allowance to pay for a house cleaner so we could have our weekends free to do as we wanted. Today, I do my own laundry and my husband does his. And despite my "way" with money, I have a bookkeeper that makes sure my bills are paid on time.

"I am woman

You can bend but never break me
'Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul"

When I respect myself, others can't walk all over me. I believe in what I believe, because I believe in me.

"I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my lovin' arms across the land
But I'm still an embryo
With a long, long way to go"

I am not done. Every experience, every relationship, every thought is an opportunity for personal growth. And I am willing to share my journey with others. I won't allow you to step on my toes and I promise not to step on yours. I will look you straight in the eye, toe to toe, and share my truth with a warm smile. I am open, nurturing and loving. I love me, I love you, I love life.

"Until I make my brother understand"

Women and men are different in several obvious ways. But regardless of our gender-specific hormonal soup and X/Y chromosomes, I believe that we are more alike than we are different.

I am willing to open myself up to the world. I dream of universal acceptance, peace and understanding, beyond all stereotypes. I am your sister. Purr.

"Oh, I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong"

---

Note: This post is my response to Steve Pavlina’s How to Be a Man and his provocative invitation to write "How to Be a Woman".

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Poll: Who Are You?

If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you know that I'm tall, blue-eyed and analytical, that my three-year-old daughter is short, brown-eyed and adorable, and that I frugally share one car with my extremely tall, green-eyed husband. You've guessed that I like graphs and spreadsheets and pretty photographs; I love organic gourmet food, extended travel, writing blogicles, taking naps, and Kiva.org. You understand that I abhor bleeping alarm clocks. You know how much I spend on clothes (not much) and the details of my personal balance sheet. The fact that my family rents instead of owns drives some people nuts, and since I'm an opinionated sort of gal, I keep talking about it anyway. I've been a donut shop counter girl, a dog-poop-scooper, a dog trainer, a bookkeeper, a pajama-clad entrepreneur, a real estate investor, an equities investor, a Junior Achievement teacher, and a financially-free-retired-early and having fun writer. You've learned that my parents weren't perfect and that I'm not either. You know I believe that happiness is a choice.

Now it's your turn! I'd love to know more about you. If you're reading this post in your RSS feed reader or email, please click to my blog and respond to the four quick and easy polls I've created. Then, if you don't mind, introduce yourself further in the comments, or via private email - see right side column for my email link.

If you are a blogger, please feel free to share your link in the comments.

Do you see my smile? Do you feel my virtual handshake? It's so nice to meet you!

Note: To keep the polls as short as possible, I will assume (for instance) that if you don't check "I am female" that the opposite is true and you are a male...

Thank you!

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Your Attitude Is Your Choice

Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Mike, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life."

"Yeah, right, it isn't that easy," I protested.

"Yes, it is," Michael said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line is: It's your choice how you live life."

I reflected on what Michael said. Soon thereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Michael was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back. I saw Michael about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?" I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was the well being of my soon to be born daughter," Michael replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man.' I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Michael. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes,' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything.

~ Unknown Author

Relevant Posts:

The Proven Power of Gratitude

I Choose Happiness. Do You?

Is Your But Too Big?

Click here to view some of my favorite books.

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